...well that was kind of comforting..good old steven. he spends so much time making me insecure that lil comments like that can comfort me. good on him.

all my troubles seemed so far away. loll..im gunna write down wat i did yesterday. because i want to think about it and feel happy again. i went to see roger. =] waaaahhh, i love him so much. sigh. im mushy i know. but i dont care. okai. screw it. im not telling you people anything. not like you care. but he gave me a ring for my b'day...and it doesn't fit! T_T well it does. but onli on my thumb. its reali loose. lol. im attempting to make it fit on the finger its spose to go on but yeah....thats not going too good..lol. but still i love it. =] and i love the card he gave me. and he just came online. im just...gunna go talk to him now. im realli beginning to neglect this thing =[ but..yeah. i'll fix it up in the holidays.

tis my b'day todai. lol, and yeah. i woke up at 8:30....got dressed up all pretty-ish. people were coming over so yeah, at 9 something thilini msged ^^ she was the first one in =] anyway, at around 10 something the door bell rang. *ding dong* my bro answered, and yeah, there was flowers for me! ^^ from javed. YEAH! after being friends for 11 years or watever it is. WOO!! but yeah, i was realli happi after that. =] and yeah, got more messages =] and people came over, by people i mean my sister and bro-in-law, and my uncle. lol...got 50 bucks off my uncle. yay. thats not a lot, but meh. its enough to last til xmas =D anywaay.yeah, we had a bbq thingo, and yeah, did the whole cake thingo and that was it =] but it was nice. ish. im gunna add a pic of the flowers. coz they're so pretty and i love them. =]

i never knew i'd be this happy bout flowes, but, i think having them house delivered is extra special. ^^

*makes happi noises*

=]

i just feel really alone atm. sometimes i just wish i could have someone who was always on call wen i needed someone..someone who could just rush over, and if they needed me, i could just go over to theirs. i wish there was someone who could understand me without me even having to say anything..sigh..that would be the best. shame its not going to happen though. sigh. i dont think i'd even ever be allowed out by myself to a family friend's place at night or anything. i asked to go out this saturday, with liz n stuff, to the ct, and mum was going on about rape and all that. its so fustrating. i just want to scream at her and just go and do whatever the hell i want. how does she expect me to listen to her when she sets such unrealistic boundaries. she's asking for me to rebel. *screams*

i need to have a cry or something. and i need to track down steven. my burden sucker has disappeared. i really hope he's okay..omg, im so worried about him..haven't seen a trace of him since last wednesday and he's been in bad shape. im gunna call him tomorrow..

what is it?

ah well..u know wat javed said to me yesterday..he said he's gunna listen to everything i say n follow it, coz im always right, and i never have problems, my life always shines, and he wants his like that as well, he said my future's gunna be really bright........i think thats one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. i feel sorry for him. he's known me since year 1 and he thinks that through all that time i've been happy..lol...i guess maybe its a good thing though. he thinks im a happy person. lmao. that seems really funny to me. but...its nice. =] i like it. so i guess im gunna keep doing watever im doing. it makes me feel good.

anyway..im screwed for my society and culture thing. sigh. wat a load of shit. i kind of wish i dropped that now.. -__- i think i'll kind of miss ipt. but meh. oh well. its onli another year anyway.

lately..i've been making up jokes. to cheer up steven. lol..they're so lame. but yeah. he actually finds em funny. muahaha. wat an esteem boost.

what did the empty alcohol bottle say to other?

im drunk.

=]

I'm bored. dead bored. and im over studying. i don't even know what i want to be anymore. i feel out of it. by it i mean everything. im so lazy, and im an eating machine, and since the last holidays i've gained over 5 kilos. i dunnooo...but that kind of disturbs me. i dunno wats wrong with me anymore. or if anything is wrong at all. i need to change how i eat. sigh. and get fuking exercise. and my fuking birthday is coming up. its kind of sad when people are more excited about it then you are. the onli thing i like about it is that im getting older. older = more freedom. and im fine with that. im just not really wanting to do the whole..yay...party....cake..presents...type thing. i dunno. i dont even know how i feel about things anymore. i dont feel much at all lately. i don't even feel like writing.

i wish so many things happened differently for me..but i guess i cant change that..sigh. what am i gunna do with my life. im so screwed. like seriously. and exams are coming up. and im so fuking lazy and behind. and everyones like 'oh you'll do well!' fuck, as if. im too fucking lazy. and im not motivated. i dont know what im working towards.

i hate school. its making me miserable. and so is september. and home. and my hair. and people.

......all i want for my birthday is a treadmill. T_T

that's how i feel atm. and i need to vent, coz atm i feel like ripping this guy's balls off.

i got an email from some fuked up guy who's in love with thilini's 'best friend', it had all this crap in it about her. i just wanna fukin kick his ass. man, they dont even understand all the shit she goes through *gets fustrated* ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!man..this is the reason why this world is a bad place. shitheads like that. 

also, i have to write a business speech. in 4 hours. can you say..'screwed'? coz i sure can. =D